In The Same Bus
I have always been bad with directions. My worst fear as a child was missing my school bus. When I missed my bus, I had to ask my mom to drop me to the next bus stop. And because I was so bad with directions, I never could really explain to her where exactly to drop me. I knew where my school was but I never could recall the stops my bus took while reaching the school. “Don’t you go by the same route every single day, Sanika?” Yes, mom! I do! But amidst trying to listen to the tea spilled by the seniors behind me, looking at how misspelled all the signboards are, and discovering that I am not in my Saturday uniform because I thought it's a Friday, I didn’t find the time to track where I was going! I never had to care about directions because I knew what my destination was –– my school. I also knew that even if I got lost, the adults would eventually find a way while I can sit back, relax, and ruminate about which breakfast cereal tasted the best at 7 a.m.
As I stepped into my 20s, I could feel this blissfully ignorant phase of rumination being replaced by contemplation, overthinking and accountability. Being in your 20s is like missing the school bus all over again and realizing no one can help you because even you don’t know which stop you are at! It’s like sitting in your math class and wondering why the answer is 98 km/hr while yours is 2ab. There is a potpourri of thoughts that are brewed in your mind constantly. These thoughts are as life-altering as to which industry to choose to get job security during the recession to as trivial as how many songs can I squeeze in this playlist while I get my chores done. The plot thickens for students who change countries in the pursuit of higher education or work. Suddenly you find yourself tracking currency conversions and time zone differences, missing out on family events and living two lives simultaneously. You are forced to forge a bond with adulthood while you can’t forgo the carefree teenager inside of you.
I used to wonder if there was a playbook that others got on ‘how to 20’ while I was busy looking out of the window. But the more I talk to people my age, the more I realise they too are sailing in the same boat, or more so, riding in the same bus. In fact it's like a group of people scattered around different bus stops finding the best way to reach their own destination. Everyone is trying to figure out what their next stop will be, thus making me feel more secure in my own directionally-challenged self. And this journey might be frightening, but it is also more exhilarating than the destination! We don’t realise the small wins we take every single day. Getting up by yourself, cooking food from the ingredients you brought, balancing jobs and academics while socialising are wins you won’t get medals for but should make you proud. We are blessed to relish the gift of abandonment endowed by our teens and experience the liberation brought by adulthood. In this sense, the whole ‘living the two lives simultaneously’ does sound exciting!
No to be preachy, but you cannot uproot a plant and expect it to bloom in a new atmosphere. Once it gets used to the air, soil and light of the new place, it will start blooming at its own pace. Allow yourself the time to bloom, but until then relish the journey that comes with it!
